Harrison Ford Syndrome

Harrison Ford Syndrome

Number 1: Paul Jerricho

Star Wars creator George Lucas has long been scorned for having a cloth ear when it comes to dialogue. For all their brilliance, each of the six Star Wars films occasionally lumbers its actors with a line so stilted and difficult to say that it detracts from their performance. After reading the script for what would eventually become A New Hope, Harrison Ford famously said to his director, ‘George, you can type this shit, but you sure as hell can’t say it.’

Doctor Who actors are sometimes lumbered with such dialogue, from the lines of text that bear little resemblance to the English language, particularly in the Colin Baker era, to sentences have never been spoken in history and never will be again, to expository dialogue that only exists to move the plot along because the writer has dug themselves a hole that needs filling. This feature exists to honour those actors, who jumped right in and said the line anyway.

‘No, NOT the mind probe!’

‘NO, not the MIND probe!’

‘Noooo, not the MIND PROBE!’

Poor Paul Jerricho, reprising his role as the Castellan in The Five Doctors, must have felt his heart sink when he turned the page of his script and saw this zinger. He must have lost sleep wondering exactly how to say it. He must have tried all the variations above. It’s one of the most famous bad lines in Doctor Who history, as a quick search on the interweb will prove, yet Jerricho chooses to deliver it seriously and actually manages to convey something of the Castellan’s fear and therefore the agony the mind probe must generate. He chooses to emphasise the last word, but only slightly, and I cannot think of a better way to say such a line. The man deserves an award for that delivery alone.

‘No, not the mind PROBE!’

Still, look on the bright side, Castellan. At least mad old Lord President Borusa didn’t authorise the use of the anal probe as well...